When Strangers Interfere?

The may mean well, but sometimes a strangers advice seems more like butting in than assistance. How to ignore all the arm chair “experts” that think they know better than you how to raise your child.

It starts early. The baby is not even here yet, and people begin to give you advice about how to raise him. Perfect strangers stop you on elevators, in grocery stores, and wherever your pregnant tummy may roam. It doesn’t cease when the baby arrives. Unwarranted advice abounds. Everyone is an expert when it comes to your baby. This is what they would have you believe. Maybe some are child rearing specialist, but you have no proof. The kindly stranger has not presented you with a resume touting his superior child rearing abilities. There is no list of references to which you can call, no way of knowing if the stranger on the street, has any experiential knowledge of which he speaks.
The fact of the matter is no matter how experienced the stranger is, he is still a stranger to you, and his offering of unsolicited advice is possibly burdensome. Finding a way to deflect superfluous advice is a challenge. The would be recipient has to formulate a comeback somewhere between, “buzz off, who asked you anyway?,” and “Thank you for enlightening my ignorant self.” Listen, parents, especially young ones, must recognize the offerings of most people as harmless. In some way, the stranger is attempting to enter into your joy, having remembered the past pleasures of parenthood and child raising.
You will not appreciate how difficult it is to refrain from giving familial advice, until you have passed the baton from young blossoming motherhood, to mature (been there, done that, learned the hard way) not dead yet, older woman. Motherly counsel spills from our lips before we know what is happening. A young woman walks by on a cold day carrying the sweetest baby. An uncontrollable voice from within emerges and we hear ourselves say, “Where is her little hat?” We know it’s none of our business.
With the kindly stranger in mind, the question at hand is, “how to ignore advice when it comes to your baby?” Easily, by adopting this mantra; “My baby is my baby.” You do not have to say it allowed, but make the statement yours. While there is a time and place for good counsel, ultimately it is you who makes the difficult decisions. You know the intricacies surrounding your baby’s needs and wants. You are mommy, teacher, disciplinarian, and his first love. The kindly stranger has raised her children, it is your time now. Educate yourself by availing yourself to the myriad of instructional material on babies and child rearing. Know your baby well, talk to your baby’s pediatrician and then solicit advice on your terms.
An older woman whom you trust, who has been where you are now, may be worth talking too. Certainly, if her children are living testimonials to the good job she did, then by all means seek her out. Even with this scenario, hold on to the mantra, “my baby is my baby”. At the end of the day, ‘the buck stops with mommy.’ To the unsolicited advisor simply give her a smile, and if you can manage, a possibly insecure ‘thank you’, since you assume she means well.
Just do me a favor will you? “Don’t forget his little hat.”