Simple Ways to Promote Independance

Simple Ways to Foster Independence in Your Toddler

When children are born, they need us helplessly.  Parents naturally mold to the needs of their child.  At some point, it becomes necessary to allow them to learn how to be independent.  The road to independence can start early on in life and will help boost confidence, self esteem, heighten IQ and provide the tools they will need to be successful in the future.  The problem is that it can be very difficult for mom and dad to let go.  Parents naturally bend down to tie shoes, offer assistance when a task cannot be mastered or offer intervention when we see our child struggling.  The issue of independence is not so much allowing a child to do so, but allowing the adults in their life to let go. 

The first year of life trains the parental mind to do everything for their child.  Once a child gains mobility, they also gain a boost in their brain development which is fostered when they are afforded the chance to figure things out.  When you see a toddler do the same puzzle over and over again, struggling to fit the pieces all together, it is easy to simply maneuver the puzzle piece so it will slide right in.  The problem with this mentality is that it doesn’t give the child a sense of accomplishment and actually teaches them that when something is difficult, they will not be able to handle it alone.  Thinking broad spectrum, the implication of this lesson can have serious affects on their life.  Additionally, as they enter school or engage socially with others they will realize that few people outside of their parents will do so much for them.  If your child is never faced with making decisions, solving problems or dealing with frustration they will be completely stymied. 

So, letting go isn’t easy.  Watching a child struggle or become frustrated is difficult for mom and dad.  However, when you watch them get through the problem and see them beaming with pride it is easy to see how relevant their independence is in life.  The first job as a parent is to become an enabler.  This means recognizing what your child can do and what skills they are ready to master in their life.  This also means not correcting them if they put their shoes on the wrong feet or their shirt on backward.  Praising their successes no matter how small and showing them how adept they are will make your child want to be independent rather than take the easy way out.  Here are some tips to letting go:

1. Praise accomplishments!
2. Break habits of doing everything for your child.  Rather than lend a hand because you can do it faster or better, ask them to do simple tasks like find their shoes or put trash in the can. 
3. Apply expectations.  Just like you use the word no to warn them of danger in the home, a 1-2 year old can be assigned responsibility.  Obviously, you will need to guide them through the tasks, but setting routines and giving them ‘jobs’ fosters independent thinking and a sense of responsibility.
4. Offer words of confidence.  Rather than ask them if they want help, encourage them to keep trying.  If they become agitated, help them learn ways to control their frustration so that they can master a task. 
5. One huge step is to ask them to use their words.  Many children become used to pointing, grunting or whining to get what they want.  Refuse to respond to this by requesting that they use their words and ask calmly.  This helps them learn patience and empowers them with ability to communicate with others outside of the home.
6. Offer challenging toys and playthings.  While the television may be a great babysitter, age appropriate toys that require them to play, learn about their environment and use their imagination will stimulate them and prompt them to busy themselves. 
7. Refrain from taking over while your toddler plays.  While you may envision a more creative plan than dumping water from one bucket to another over and over again, young children learn about their environment through hands on play. 
8. Let your child make decisions.  If they are making a wrong choice or are misbehaving, offer them a choice of consequences.  Similarly, if your child doesn’t know what to do in a situation or doesn’t know an answer, offer them two to choose from rather than just tell them what they should do. 
9. Resist the urge to hover.  Give your child time alone and as they get older reduce the amount of time you spend following them around.  If they want to move to another room, allow them to (obviously you need to still supervise) so they will feel secure by themselves.
10. Use every day situations as ways to teach lessons.  While you are shopping, driving in the car, cooking etc. take time to talk to your child like you would another adult.  Baby babbling or thinking they wont understand you belittles their capabilities. 

 

From the year mark onward, children actually crave independence and knowledge.  Supporting their needs means not always doing everything for them and empowering them to be the little person that they are.  It can be difficult to watch your child grow up so quickly, however that is the biggest part of being a good parent.  While you may want to keep them little forever, that is impossibility and nurturing them completely means preparing them for the not always pleasant world ahead.  When independence is encouraged at home, they will be confident, bright and skilled at problem solving by the time they hit preschool which can make the experience for them and you, much more comfortable.