Helping Your Child Go to School
Help Easing Your Childs’s Fear of School
Can you recall your first day of school? You may have been excited and nervous all at once, fearful and proud and above all things apprehensive. Going to a new place with new people and having to learn to depend on strangers to keep you safe can be difficult for a child. It is estimated that 1 out of every 3 children experience separation anxiety when it comes to starting school. For the vast majority, it may only last a few weeks. While you are in the middle of the situation it feels like the most heartbreaking set of circumstances you could ever imagine.
Many children who are so familiar with their own families and don’t spend much time with others have problems when it comes to starting school. Other children are eager to go and can’t wait for that first day of school at the end of summer. Neither child is better or more equipped and much of the way they feel has to do with their personality. Just like some adults are more cautious than others the same is true for children. If your child is fearful of going to school, it is in your best interest to begin preparing them several months in advance. Check out books from the library about starting school, enroll them in a play group or small athletic program where they will be familiar with other children their age and arrange for them to spend a few hours at a time at a local daycare. This way they can learn that you are definitely coming back for them and that they will be okay when the transition begins.
No matter how much you hate to leave school with your child crying, you have to. If you linger in the doorways, lurk at the windows or constantly stop in to check on your child you are giving them a silent signal that there is in fact something to worry about. Most kids (not all) will stop the crying especially amidst a room full of peers and a compassionate adult. Teachers usually do not deal with these children. What that means is that they acknowledge their feelings and then try to ‘ignore’ them for the rest of the time concentrating on the fun activities. This will encourage your child to join in and doesn’t teach them a lesson that crying and fussing will get them what they want. For the kids that cry for 2 months or more, you may need to wait another year before enrolling your child. If you do it when they just aren’t emotionally ready you can cause them a great deal of stress and anxiety.
Before your children start school, give them a free opportunity to visit their classroom. You may even want to visit some classes in session for 10-15 minutes at a time so your child can see firsthand what going to school really means. Remember, they have never been so to them the brick building with the chalk boards and toys is nothing but a strange place. Try to introduce them to their teacher, walk the playground and point out all the other children who are having so much fun. Preparation can go a long way to preparing your child for school and easing their fears.
When you are helping your child over come fears it is necessary to remain very patient with them. It may seem they are being irrational or over reacting and they should not be disciplined for their feelings. What few parents realize in the moment is that their child will go to school one day, hopping to and from the school bus and wishing that there was school on Sunday. When that time comes, the moment is bittersweet. On one hand you are thrilled that they are over the hurdle and on the other hand you realize that slowly but surely your child is growing away from you. Just make sure cry in private and if you must spy on them while they are on the playground, do it where you can’t be seen.
