Teaching Young Children about Sexuality
There comes a point when your child will ask the important questions of life. How did I get here, how come I am a boy, how are boys and girls different, etc… The list goes on and embarrassed parents everywhere begin yammering on about the stork and other lies in order to escape the conversation completely. Then of course, these young toddlers also begin to explore their own bodies and it is commonplace to leave 3 year olds to play and come back to find that they are all negative completely impressed by the goods of their opposite sex playmates. Mom’s reaction is to scream and cover her eyes hoping that this whole thing is just a dream only to realize that it is in fact a reality. Human beings are born into this world with an innate curiosity about the opposite sex. During the toddler years it is completely comprised of innocent curiosity, yet so many parents unwittingly make their kids feel ashamed.
When young children are taught about sexuality without embarrassment or shame they grow up to accept themselves more easily. Obviously, you shouldn’t explain the birds and the bees to your children with explicit detail while they are young; you also shouldn’t bend the truth so much that it fits into a fairy tale. You should talk plainly about their male or female anatomy and help them understand the difference between boys and girls without embarrassment.
Another aspect of teaching kids about sexuality is explaining the differences between good touch and bad touch. Toddlers and young children MUST be aware that no person aside from people you trust and perhaps a doctor should touch them in private places. Similarly, while kids will undress without embarrassment no matter where they are, you have to help them understand the differences between being home with family and being at the grocery store. And you have to do this without making your child feel as though they have done something wrong.
Every family treats nudity different. If you are one of those families that cringe at the thought of seeing naked children trample through the house or who is always covered up when coming out of the shower, you may be sending a subliminal message about body image and self esteem. Yes, privacy becomes mandatory at some point, especially with the opposite sex parent and modesty is a welcome trait in people – but it also shouldn’t be something that is heralded as a “secret” or “unspeakable.” Your children will watch your actions and reactions to certain situations and take their clues on how to feel from you. Be careful.
When your child gets older and often by the time they are in kindergarten or first grade, they will come asking questions about what some kid at school told them. In the big real world there are plenty of 5 and 6 year olds with teenage siblings and they may overhear more than desirable for their age level. Of course, they take this new information to school with them and share it with children like yours who may not know a thing about the birds and the bees. When they ask, try to stay as close to the truth as possible without going into detail. Be confident in your own answer and try not to turn 300 shades of pink and red from being embarrassed. This will set a foundation of trust and your child will realize from experience that they can talk to you about anything. During the teenage years, this openness will go a long way and can possibly ensure your child feels comfortable talking to you about important issues.
Sexuality isn’t about the act of making love. For kids, it is simply about the anatomical differences between boys and girls and gaining an understanding of why people are different. Whether you use the Bible or another way to explain things to your child is completely personal preference. The key is that you are communicating. When you talk to your children about sexuality and answer their questions you are being given a golden opportunity to infuse them with your values about sexuality. The younger you do this, the more ingrained it will be.
