Is Your Child Lying?
When Children Lie. What it Means and How to Handle it
Little white lies and stretching the truth come with the territory when you are raising children. Almost as soon as they are able to talk, you will notice that their vivid imaginations and distinct knowledge of right and wrong will prompt them to lie on occasion. After all, how many kids actually see the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus each year? Lots, and are you sure they are telling the truth.
One of the most powerful quotes about lying reads like this “Lies are often much more plausible, more appealing to reason, than reality, since the liar has the great advantage of knowing beforehand what the audience wishes or expects to hear.” When it comes to toddlers, nothing could be closer to the truth. Essentially, children lie when they know that the truth is not attractive or as a way to gain attention. Based on what they have learned as you indulged in their make believe stories of the past, kids know what parents want to hear. They may also realize that the last time they put the remote control in the toilet you flipped out, so no way they are telling you they did it again. Instead, the dog did it or they say nothing at all as a silent form of lying.
If your child is lying, first try to figure out what signals you have given them that make lying attractive. Then try to fix it. Additionally, when children lie it is important to give them an out on the lie. Question their story and ask them in a non-threatening tone if they are really telling the truth. Most, noticing your lightness will admit the falsehood. If they don’t admit it right away, then you should go along with the lie for just a bit affording them the chance to redeem themselves. Children know that lying is wrong but many do not know that the truth will be accepted by mom and dad just as well. Be careful to not overindulge creative or imaginative lies during toddler hood as your child will work hard to illicit that same response.
When you child does admit that they haven’t told the truth, rather than punish – praise! Praise them for being brave enough to tell the truth and make the situation as comfortable as possible. This way they see first hand through experience that the truth actually gets them better attention than the lie. Encouraging honesty also means avoiding little white lies of your own when you are in your child’s presence. It also requires telling your children the truth whenever possible and allowing them to own feelings and emotions that may not be desirable as well. Lying is always a cover-up or way of avoiding something negative and children that lie are often reacting out of fear. When the fear is removed, the lying can stop.
So, when should a child be disciplined for lying? There comes a certain age when you can be certain that your child knows the difference between reality and otherwise. When they are aware of the big difference between truth and lies – it is time to hold them accountable for their lies. Do so by explaining your disappointment, serving up an age appropriate punishment (like taking away TV or favorite toy) and make sure that they can tell you in detail what they should have done. Also, try to see if they can understand why they lied so that you can help to defray their preconceived notions. When the lie is over, it has to be over. This means you have to trust your toddler again so that they learn how important it is to be trusted in life.
Lying is perhaps the most common bad behavior that humans engage in. The reasons numerous. Instilling honesty early on in your child’s life is very important to how honest they will be as they grow up. The older they get the more harmful lies can become and the more dangerous perpetual lying is to their wellbeing. The sooner you start defining the act of lying and the negative impact of it, the better chance you have to raise a strong, honest and reliable child.
